La Vie devant Soi (by Emile Ajar/Romain Gary)

Essays in Love (by Alain de Botton)

The Sea Inside(Mar Adentro, 2004)

The books and a film recently I read and watched.
.

.

.

Recently, I've been stuck with thinking of
gamelike relations between people.
I was pretty sure I'm not so familiar with them
as games normally don't make me excited;
I hate card games, board games, computer games, etc.
I mean, the relations among people which go on,
expecting something from one another.
However, every single relation was somehow gamelike, I realized.
Oh, my God! I couldn't believe how clever people can be in that way.
I nearly became sick of it and so skeptical.

Well, but what about me? myself?
One day, I just mentioned what I was thinking of
to one of my close friends.
And, what could be his reaction?
: "You're also the same!"

Oh-oh.
Ok, I haven't been logical.
I couldn't say what was the problem to be stuck in it.
Last night, an idea came up in my head
to make things clearer all of sudden.

That's true I was also in many games like that
but now I got stuck as I'm not the one who leads the game.
The mess started from it.

I'm now involved in a couple of relation games with my colleagues
but I'm not the one who started the games.
I don't know what exactly I should expect from them
and their sweet words are often too much.
Overestimation is reflection of their need.
They need people to work with but I'm not necessarily the one.
In conclusion, I'm not really good at games
which are not led by myself.
Then, can I still insist I'm an adventurous person?

What the heck can I do for them?
what do they expect from me?

Doesn't it work friendship with them without expecting something practical?
Come on, give me a break.

I HATE complexity!

I'm telling off I'm not so clever as others: Embarrassing.